COMIC RELIEF: ALTERNATE MEANINGS

Each year The Washington Post has a contest where readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. And winners are...

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight youhave gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flatstomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts
....and MountainWings own
17. Washington (v.), the day of the week that you do laundry.

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